I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
