found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
