I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
