Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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