I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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