you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
