I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
