I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
