My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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