if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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