Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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