my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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