lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
