i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
