Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
