idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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