you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
