She is in my trunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
