He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
