Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
