I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
