That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
