Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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