I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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