That's when you crack a 10am beer
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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