jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
