the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
