hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
