last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
