Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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