i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
whose parrot is this?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
