I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
