Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
