We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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