i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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