didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
