Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
