Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
