a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
