i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
