I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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