Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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