yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
