just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
