Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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