you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
