: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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