i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
