you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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