Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drake has all the answers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
