I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
