i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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