Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
