Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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