Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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