I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
